Pray For Me?

By: Carley Divish

A neighbour offered to pray for me a couple months ago. I know that often religion can be thrown in your face: the revelers by Westquay with their microphones or the Jehovah’s Witnesses by Poundtown (my better name for Pound Land). They both demand attention, and in today’s world that can be a little obtrusive. But this was not, she wanted to tell her story of finding religion and maybe offer support if I needed it. Because of this, I have not thought too much about the religious aspect. Instead, I have been focusing on the gesture.

The offer came when one day she slipped a note through the letterbox, giving her phone number, her name, and why she was giving this note. Although she did seem kind I did not have anything to ask of her. But the offer, the nonchalant, unexpected, generous offer was clearly notable, as I am still thinking about it months later. I have wondered why that woman’s note stuck with me so long. I never reached out to her, and I don’t even know if I still have it anywhere. For all I know I let it get lost along with the receipts for drinks I bought and train tickets that were washed in my trouser pockets.

In the end I found this: I think that her offer to pray for me is the direction where the community in our city should grow. I read all her words, taking them in, sharing for a moment how she finds calm in her faith, and feeling happy for her. She seemed like a sweet girl who found joy and wanted to share it. She did not push, and I still do not know what she looks like, but she has been the only neighbour to ever introduce themselves to me. When I try to talk to the revolving door of people living across the hall from me, they are surprised when I hold the elevator for them. They are almost taken aback when I remember that they are living in one of the three apartments on my floor (it is not that hard to remember what 5 people total look like). But this girl reached out. She offered to take her time, her love, her faith, and give it to me for nothing.

I often try to reciprocate that spirit. Offering a kind word or making a new friend out of the man who works the grocery store tills, but in a city where addressing social isolation between all age brackets is an official goal of the council, it is not easy. When I was in undergrad, I lived in a city for 4 years. At the end of those years, I saw friends on every corner. I could not go out for an evening without seeing someone I knew by accident. Here, when even Bargate and Portswood are at a high risk for social isolation, how do you begin? A key factor in social isolation is ‘low neighborhood belonging,’ or when you do not feel connected to your community on a smaller scale than the entire city. Along with that, 55% of young people in our city don’t have the money to go out to events. This isolation only gets worse when we get older, so why not fix it now, before it gets worse?

While we each can do things like saying hi to familiar faces on the street or in shops, it is a larger action that we need. Council-run or subsidized events that do not sit behind paywalls are necessary, for every age bracket. Our participation in the ones that do exist can show how we want more. Similarly, transport links across the city can help address this problem. I would like it to take less than 3 buses and a walk to get from my place to the nature preserve north of Shirley. I would like to go to Hobbycraft without it being a day trip. People cannot create community, reverse this seclusion if they simply cannot reach each other or common spaces. Finally, the loss of third spaces for youth is integral. I go to the public library and am told that if I leave my backpack even to go grab a book from a shelf it will get stolen. I still go, though, because there are very few other spaces that do not expect money. Safe, accessible, free spaces are key in addressing this isolation. There are initiatives happening across town, with a knitting club at the library, the vegan kitchen at October Books, and others, but isolation is still an issue that needs to be addressed on a larger scale, not just by individual businesses and locations.

Creating friendships wherever you go is what turns a place from a location you live to a home you will stand by. People need to belong. In a city like Southampton, I think that creating community, reaching out to others, offering a prayer, a dessert, a kind word can go a long way, even if we still need support from larger organisations. No one wants to feel isolated, whether
you are 14 or 83, and it takes every day kindnesses along with institutional change to create the place we all want to live. I’ll still think about the girl who offered to pray for me and hope she’s doing well. Maybe someday I’ll meet her, but until then, I will continue my conversation with the man who works the tills at my grocery.